Let’s talk about Sex, baby! Let’s talk about you and me!

So….to start this post in the words of Larry Flynt:

“Relax, it’s just sex!”…

So take a moment, take a deep breath and Read Away!

In the relationships I’ve had in my life I realize that men and women Definitely communicate differently. In my experience as a woman I can overthink what the man in my life ‘may’ be thinking! It’s exhausting. And luckily I am starting to mature in the sense that I no longer obsess over my relationships… I still worry and wonder but I also know that both of those traits are part of my innate nature. I’m just finally learning to let go more, as well.

But I do know that when it comes to Sex, it’s challenging to talk about! Why is that?? Though I don’t know the actual answer, I assume it’s because we all have our own thoughts about what is right, wrong and scary and/or unfamiliar. And we all bring baggage to that area of our lives….At least when Sex is in a monogamous relationship…Vacation sex seems to be devoid of any and all of this drama…I guess that’s the lure!

Well, I had a thought the other day and figured it was worth writing down.

Men have a penis! Yea, yea stick with me! And women have not only a vagina but also a clitoris. A number of men also seem to enjoy when their scrotum is paid attention do during sexual play, but, it’s worth spelling out that women almost Must have attention to BOTH areas in order for satisfaction to come from her sexual experience. And, I’m trying to bring more attention to the Vagina right now actually, not the clit. Not that sexual play in any form isn’t pleasurable, I’m just stating that there is a different become enjoyment and full sexual satisfaction during a sexual session.

Through oral sex, a womans clitoris can gain Great attention and MUCH pleasure, but when foreplay happens and for whatever reason, a man gets so excited he climaxed before intercourse comes into play, one or both partners becomes worn out etc., and maybe the man’s erection doesn’t become or stay hard enough for intercourse, there leaves a longing of desire within the vaginal area of a woman of wanting that direct penile stimulation. I guess it’s the same relative idea to leaving a guy with blue balls.

Face it, there are men who truly enjoy the art and challenge of learning to take the time to make love to a woman, and there are some that are uncomfortable and awkward in those moments and just sort of haphazardly go for it and get it over with. And know that not every session has to be so laborious, but I’ve experienced both types of lovers and slow AND fast sessions with a knowledgeable lover definitely ranks higher on my desired list and makes me want to come back for more.

All I know as a woman is it’s hard to tell your lover that actual intercourse is a desire that I feel is necessary to be fulfilled. And I would imagine that men feel the same, but honestly that would just be my assumption. I’ve known some men that as long as they climax they could care less whether it’s in your vagina, your hand or your mouth. If your female and YOU care about how it happens, you need to state that Outloud and in clear and open terms. I have my likes, dislikes and limits and I’m learning to just let them be known.

Maybe in a sense of old fashioned-ness I really gain pleasure from knowing my lover can climax through actual intercourse with me, though sadly with the use of condoms that doesn’t happen often enough. But this discussion would lead us in a whole other direction.

I’m not bagging on men or any of my past sexual partners or my present one, I’m just sharing something to make you think and maybe give you a bit of insight into the mind of a female sexual being. COMMUNICATION in a relationship is really the goal and the intimacy of that communication can lessen a lot of evils in the long run. Women desire that kind of intimacy just as much as sex and love when a man is open to being open to it!

After you have fooled around some and are taking a breather, try asking, ‘Are you feeling satisfied and what else can I do to help you get there’….. You might be surprised to realize that they are, or that they aren’t and you wouldn’t have known, and may have left them hanging if you hadn’t asked!

None of this work to grow in Sexual Communication is necessary in general, but it’s essential if you’d actually like to enjoy a full and satisfying relationship. I wish that for each of us!

For men I would recommend a book that honestly I haven’t read myself, at least yet, but have had friends rave about it, and actually I did meet and work with the author last year at a Book Expo in Silicon Valley…It’s called ‘The Multi-Orgasmic Man’…. Learning to be a good lover takes Just that: Learning!

I’d love to hear your thoughts and or comments about what I’ve written! Don’t worry, I can take it!!